Dogs are people, too and stuff that white people like…

Have you been reading the blog Stuff White People Like…here’s what they had to say about dogs… 

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/02/04/53-dogs

It should be understood that in white culture, dogs are considered training for having children. That is to say that any white couple must get a dog before they have kids. This will prepare them for responsibility by having another creature to feed, supervise its bathroom activities, and to love. Because of this, white people generally assume that their dog is their favorite child unless otherwise stated.

 The blog is pretty funny… and true…and I think that they left out a lot about dogs and rich white people… because they are talking about rich white people… not poor white people… let’s be clear.  For instance, in the Stuff White People Like, they left out about designer dogs… you know all of those foo-foo dogs, Labradoodles and all kinds of poodle mixes that are the latest dog to have, dress and show off with your designer clothes and designer shoes and designer handbags. Paint their toenails, dye their hair the color of their favorite dress or braid their hair. There are even designer handbags that are made to fit your dog into or vice versa. Whatever would you do without your designer dog handbag?  Can’t leave the house without mine… hah…

It should also be said that some rich white people only like small designer dogs. Tiny dogs.  Yorkie-poo dogs. Chi-poo dogs.  The smaller, the tinier the better. You know, how you can never be too rich, or too thin. Your designer dog can never be too tiny. A dog the size of a pin. 

With a dog that weighs a ton, 54 pounds, I cannot compute or empathize although sometimes when my dog is hogging up the bed, I wish and pray for a small designer dog, a no muss, no fuss dog… a dog that isn’t a dog… a dog that is more like a cat… independent, small, a container dog.  Now you know that someone is going to invent, clone or create out of a test tube a dog that does not shed, that does not bark, that does not growl, that does not sniff butts, a dog that does not chew, a dog that does not slobber, a dog that does not pant, a frankendog that does not do any and all of the assorted dog activities that dogs now do. A non-dog, dog… 

Rich white people also like to spend a lot of money for their designer dogs and on their dogs… and brag about how much they spent. After all, their dogs are their most prized possessions…  show off dogs, show dogs… how many tricks can you teach a mutt, after all…  mutts are white trash dogs while designer dogs are upper echelons dogs. They’ve made it passed the canine ceiling and are living in the rich white person’s penthouse.  They are dogs with attitude, fashion sense, and refined tastes. They are dogs with portfolios, trust funds, their own cell phones, and their own laptops. They are not lapdogs anymore. No sireee… These dogs have arrived. They are status dogs. Cream of the crop dogs.

But wait a minute, dogs are people, too, right.  I hate to tell you, rich white people, but dogs are canines not human beings. They ain’t never going to be human, well, maybe in another life.  Sounds like a funny book or movie to me. Dog reincarnates into which movie star’s husband. Let’s see, how about Sarah Jessica Parker in the new Sex and the City movie.  Big used to be her dog but now he’s her hubby. Or a celebrity dog lover like Doris Day, Betty White, Mary Tyler Moore, their dog dies, oh no, yes, dogs do pass over, and in its next incarnation becomes their child.  

I once read a book, don’t remember the name, that was from the perspective of a cat in Tibet, I think. So this dog becomes human reincarnation book turned into a movie could be like that, don’t you think?

 Anyway, I thought that the dog weddings, dog techie gadgets and other doggie paraphernalia that I have posted about, even designer dog names, are hilarious.  Because rich, white people are treating their designer dogs like children. They even leave their inheritance to their dogs. Now what the heck is a dog or a cat going to do with all of those millions?  Seems a terrible waste and absurd especially when there are so many homeless pets and starving dogs in India.

Still, dogs are children who can’t talk back. Sometimes, you just wonder what the dog is thinking when you see these rich white people with their dogs. Bet the dog would be cast out into the street, disowned and rejected if their owner knew that Fidarino thinks that they’re nuts, too, just like the rest of the world.Dogs can bark and bite and growl at you whenever they don’t agree with you. Dogs are children who don’t spend money and talk on the phone, but you can spend a fortune on them and call your relatives to speak to the dog. Dogs are children who don’t spend hours rotting their brains out watching TV… oh yeah, now they have those doggie videos and dog TV shows…

Cici perks up every time she hears dogs barking on my computer, on a video and TV… she looks and sniffs and gets all excited, tail wagging…  Where are my comrades?  she looks at me as if to say… She’s not my kid. She’s my dog. And a very sensitive girl. There is a line that gets crossed. Yes, I think animals are smarter than people in some ways. They know things that we don’t. And we know things that they don’t. But some people ascribe almost supernatural powers and abilities to their pets. Some people. 

I think that the reason that rich white people put so much into their relationship with their dogs and cats is because they are lonely.  The people not the dogs. And maybe they are obnoxious, crazy and neurotic and think that no one loves them except their dog or cat. And maybe no one else does because they are so obnoxious, crazy and neurotic. Instead of changing into better human beings, just get a dog or cat to love you. Instant love. Instant friend. Problem solved. That way, you can pretend that you are all right and society will agree with you too. I admit that I have felt that way.  Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I’m gonna eat some worms. Or go play with my dog. The dog (or cat) becomes a scapegoat for the rich white people’s emotional baggage.  Not fair to the dog or cat but shrinks the shrink/therapy bills. 

All you have to do then is give the next rich white person you see with a tiny designer dog, a belly rub or a doggie kiss and a cookie and everything will be all right…  All they need is love… the rich white people and their dogs need love, too. After all, they are living with rich white people and putting up with their stuff.

Now that I have riffed, ranted and raved about rich white people’s dogs… and you are warned, I will do so again, can you tell I’m in a mood today… Just woke up in a mood.  That’s another thing that rich white people like. Moodiness. Shows that you’re a better person, you have feelings. Rich white people have Feelings, oh oh oh feelings… 

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4 Comments

Filed under all you need is a dog, All you need is love, animal planet, animal stars, belly rubs, designer dogs, dog kisses, dogs, four paws up, funny, justforlaughs, K9 approved, love, mutts, name your dog, smile, spoil your dog rotten, stuff white people like

4 responses to “Dogs are people, too and stuff that white people like…

  1. I once saw some woman on TV saying how her precious, pampered little pup had such soft, delicate paw pads that NEVER TOUCHED GRASS! She was so proud of this fact. I was thinking that it was animal abuse. Those poor dogs that never get to be dogs. They must be so confused and unhappy, really. Real “dog people” don’t treat their dogs like children.

  2. Daniel

    Not just white people, I live in Japan and the Japanese do the same thing here. Lived in Kenya, and the rich Africans do the same thing.

  3. i think that basic dog grooming should be done on a daily basis like combing the dog hairs;.”

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