Dog training the American Male by LA Knight
a love triangle of the hilarious kind…
This is definitely NOT your usual romantic comedy romp between the sheets and the relationship. It started kinda slow to me… but it is a very funny premise about a man and woman and a dog. The woman is a radio talk show host and a psychologist. Her radio show is about relationships and it is doing poorly. Nancy has issues with men, to say the least. She moves in with her boyfriend, Jacob, he gets a dog and the dog is out of control so she hires a dog trainer.
Have to say that I was appalled when Jacob goes to a pet store to buy a little foo-foo white dog. Buying a dog from a pet store these days seems so taboo. As dog lovers know, millions of shelter pets die every year and part of the problem is people buying pets from puppy mills and irresponsible breeders. Jacob has been told that is the kind of dog his lady likes, little white foo-foo dogs. But when he finds out the price, he instead goes to the pound and adopts a shelter pooch. Circuituous route to adoption but at least he gets there instead of supporting puppy mills (which is where pet store pets come from). I digress.
The heroine, Nancy Beach, hires two dog trainers to help with the German Shepherd pound puppy five years old and not fixed. Then she decides to use the training tools she is learning on the dog with the man and it works for a short time. And what ensues is kinda kooky, crazy and just plain funny. What woman is not frustrated with trying to domesticate the male Y chromosomes in her life and becomes so fed up with trying that she will go to any lengths to get there? As a woman, I think that women can definitely relate to this tale about the Extreme Makeover of the Male of the species.
Ultimately, some women discover they much prefer the company of dogs to mama’s boys (not sexually) because after pursuing adult monogamous relationships with man boys and having the child men meltdown time and time again, women realize that dogs are loyal, faithful, give unconditional love, like to play, are forgiving, do not care how we look, listen to us, are patient, kind, and usually like to cuddle so why bother. Yeah it would be nice if we could meet actual adult men who actually like women to be in relationships with. But we find that rare. Far too many men are judgmental, selfish, seek successive revolving doors of Barbie, Madonna, sluts, mommy, are passive aggressive, power crazed, workaholics or lazy do nothings and act as though giving us what we want, satisfying a woman is a fate worse than death. Meanwhile not offering much of what we want from them to begin with. (Companionship, romance, passion, genuine friendship, loyalty and cleanliness, for starters). How dare we expect men to be human and humane and to listen to us!!! I chalk it up to the testesterone. Does something wacky to their little brains.
The difference between men and dogs…
*They never lie
*They never borrow money
*They do not hold grudges
*They are willing to wake up and be there for you no matter what time of day or night
*They always want hugs and kisses and are always ready to return them just as quickly as they receive
*They never have anything nasty to say and even if they could talk I just know they would never complain
*They don’t care if you are fat, short, skinny or tall
*They do not care if you are having a bad hair day, they love you just the same
*They never complain if you get home late
*They are always patient
*They are always honest
*They are a willing lifelong companion
“Men really are dogs,” says L.A. Knight. “The average American male would rather sit on the couch all day, scratch his privates and sleep. Who among us hasn’t performed for a treat, peed on a tree, dry-humped a woman’s leg, howled at the moon, stuck his nose in a groin or two, or inspected his own bowel movement before flushing? As a dog owner, I know that when my wife had our dogs trained they became more content, were less anxious, and they even lost weight. I say bring it on…just go easy on the electric shock collar.”
There are a lot of quirky characters and hilarious situations that are laugh out loud funny and definitely R-rated. Sex toys, gynecologist visits, elderly antics and some really disgusting bodily fluids gone into at length ad nauseum. Too much info. What is NOT at all funny are the training tools used by the Spencer character (one of the trainers). He is a military guy and he uses shock collars, prong collars and choke collars on the dog. The first dog trainer used positive reinforcement but the book makes it seem that the cruel methods worked better. None of which is true in reality. I winced every time the collars were used on the poor dog. Perhaps it was a spoof on Cesar Millan and his methods? Not sure but please DO NOT follow these methods at home.
The book is also kinda sexist and the women characters and the relationships could be MUCH MORE detailed… like how and why and when exactly did these two characters fall in love? That is completely glossed over. They go on a blind date, meet at a bowling alley and next thing you know, One Month Later, they are moving in together. What??? Where is the romantic and sexual tension? Where and when and what happened between these two people? For regular readers of romantic comedies, the romance almost seems besides the point of this book. And the book is written in scenes like a screenplay.
Still, you find yourself rooting for the characters and the romance and for the dog. And you can see the set up of situations and you think you know what is going to happen and it does not. Definitely not predictable, like a good mystery.
And in the end, it all works out in unexpected ways, which is refreshing. The dog is redeemed and so is the guy. And some of the scenes will keep you rolling on the floor laughing even after you put the book down so we give this e-book three and one-half (out of four) paws up. Cici would love to meet a nice handsome boy toy like Sam, the German Shepherd but then she has plenty of boy dogs in the neighborhood already. (Milo, Pablo, Gizmo and others). Lucky dog.