a bully is a bully is a bully…

Cyberbullies…

Children and teenagers are not the only ones being bullied online by serial cyberbullies.

Cyberbullying is defined as abusive or harassing behavior online, which includes sending or posting text that are intended to hurt or embarrass other people. ie, calling people names in a public forum.  A person who resorts to cyberbullying or asks you to participate is being disrespectful to you and to all in the community and is also indulging their sick need for attention and are engaging in CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR.

You may need to get a lawyer/attorney to help yourself and others deal with the cyberbully who is delusional and believes that they are above the law.

It’s up to you to report, block and let others know about serial cyberbullies.

Bullying in any form is difficult to deal with. You may not even realize that the cyberbully is indeed a cyberbully. A good gauge is how does this person make you and others feel? Do they belittle people, call people names or spread lies about people perceived as their enemies?  How do YOU feel when you see or hear the cyberbully say mean things to others or yourself?

It is our intention to help you learn what a cyberbully is… if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, sings like a duck and is busy getting their ducks in a row, THEY ARE A SERIAL CYBERBULLY.



How to protect yourself…

Bullies take pleasure in feeling stronger, more knowledgeable and more powerful than others even as you will see below that they are NOT.

Educate yourself. Find out all you can about cyberbullies, especially serial cyberbullies — how they work, what do they do, and the profile of the people that do this (read below).

if someone sends you hate mail, says mean things about you, slanders you, they are engaging in anti-social behavior and criminal behavior but if you have friends online, they can be a great resource of friendship, comfort and have your back, make you laugh and speak out against the cyberbully.

If you are a target of a cyberbully, keep a record of all of the messages they post, blog posts, and mails from the offender. Keep the date and time of all the messages. You will never know when you will need the information as proof.

Cyberbullies can be very hurtful and often DUMP their shame (how they feel inside) upon others. It is NOT NOT NOT your fault. They are abusers, exploiters and just plain mean (vicious).

Tell friends and your support system about the situation because you need all the support you can get.

OUT the cyberbully, warn others to BEWARE and what to look for. Report the cyberbully to the proper authorities and keep on reporting them until they are BANNED, BLOCKED AND LOCKED UP.

Don’t let them know that you have been affected by their appalling behavior because that is how they get their jollies — by hurting other people.

Get the cyberbully blocked from EVER hurting anyone else ever again. They use words as weapons.

The cyberbully’s threats, slander and libelous messages are illegal and should immediately be reported to the police.

A cyberbully is a VIOLENT criminal aka psychopath. They are SICK. Not to be pitied. But often are serial cyberbullies.

There can be terrible effects on those who have been cyberbullied. Being bullied can make you feel like crap, ie, alone, sad, angry and scared. If you are being bullied, it is not your fault and there is nothing wrong with YOU.

Psychological bullying consists of spreading lies, intimidation, extortion, and harassment… ranting and raving.  Counselors, friends, and family can help you feel better when someone has targeted you.

Report the cyberbully online.

Respect other people and treat them the way you want to be treated.

Stand up to the cyberbully and report her behavior. The cyberbully is the one in the wrong not you.

Raise awareness of the serious consequences of cyberbullying with your friends and your community.

Do you know the signs of a serial cyberbully?  Read on below…

Serial bullies hate to see themselves and their behaviour reflected as if they are looking into a mirror.

Projection

Bullies project their inadequacies, shortcomings, behaviours etc on to other people to avoid facing up to their inadequacy and doing something about it (learning about oneself can be painful), and to distract and divert attention away from themselves and their inadequacies. Projection is achieved through blame, criticism and allegation; once you realise this, every criticism, allegation etc that the bully makes about their target is actually an admission or revelation about themselves. This knowledge can be used to perceive the bully’s own misdemeanours;  When the bully makes allegations of, say, “cowardice” or “negative attitude” it is the bully who is a coward or has a negative attitude.

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Constant criticism, nit-picking, no empathy, control freak, denial, charm, glib, compulsive liar, devious, manipulative…

Types of serial bully: The Attention-Seeker, The Wannabe, The Guru and The Sociopath

“All cruelty springs from weakness.”
(Seneca, 4BC-AD65)

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm

is a control freak and has a compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial personality disorder in their presence – but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity

  • displays a compulsive need to criticise whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence
  • shows a lack of joined-up thinking with conversation that doesn’t flow and arguments that don’t hold water
  • flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you’ve never had a proper conversation
  • refuses to be specific and never gives a straight answer
  • is evasive and has a Houdini-like ability to escape accountability
  • undermines and destroys anyone who the bully perceives to be an adversary, a potential threat, or who can see through the bully’s mask
  • is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise collate incriminating information about them
  • is quick to discredit and neutralise anyone who can talk knowledgeably about antisocial or sociopathic behaviors
  • may pursue a vindictive vendetta against anyone who dares to held them accountable, perhaps using others’ resources and contemptuous of the damage caused to other people and organisations in pursuance of the vendetta
  • is also quick to belittle, undermine, denigrate and discredit anyone who calls, attempts to call, or might call the bully to account
  • gains gratification from denying people what they are entitled to
  • is highly manipulative, especially of people’s perceptions and emotions (eg guilt)
  • poisons peoples’ minds by manipulating their perceptions
  • when called upon to share or address the needs and concerns of others, responds with impatience, irritability and aggression
  • is arrogant, haughty, high-handed, and a know-all
  • often has an overwhelming, unhealthy and narcissisticattention-seeking need to portray themselves as a wonderful, kind, caring and compassionate person, in contrast to their behaviour and treatment of others; the bully sees nothing wrong with their behavior and chooses to remain oblivious to the discrepancy between how they like to be seen and how they are seen by others
  • is spiritually dead although may loudly profess some religious belief or affiliation
  • is mean-spirited, officious, and often unbelievably petty
  • is mean, stingy, and financially untrustworthy
  • is greedy, selfish, a parasite and an emotional vampire
  • s always a taker and never a giver
  • is convinced of their superiority and has an overbearing belief in their qualities of leadership but cannot distinguish between leadership (maturity, decisiveness, assertiveness, co-operation, trust, integrity) and bullying (immaturity, impulsiveness, aggression, manipulation, distrust, deceitfulness)
  • often fraudulently claims qualifications, experience, titles, entitlements or affiliations which are ambiguous, misleading, or bogus
  • often misses the semantic meaning of language, misinterprets what is said, sometimes wrongly thinking that comments of a satirical, ironic or general negative nature apply to him or herself
  • knows the words but not the song
  • is constantly imposing on others a false reality made up of distortion and fabrication
  • sometimes displays a seemingly limitless demonic energy especially when engaged in attention-seeking activities or evasion of accountability and is often a committeeaholic or apparent workaholic
  • is emotionally retarded with an arrested level of emotional development; whilst language and intellect may appear to be that of an adult, the bully displays the emotional age of a five-year-old
  • is emotionally immature and emotionally untrustworthy

Responsibility

The serial bully appears to lack insight into his or her behaviour and seems to be oblivious to the crassness and inappropriateness thereof; however, it is more likely that the bully knows what they are doing but elects to switch off the moral and ethical considerations by which normal people are bound. If the bully knows what they are doing, they are responsible for their behaviour and thus liable for its consequences to other people. If the bully doesn’t know what they are doing, they should be suspended from duty on the grounds of diminished responsibility and the provisions of the Mental Health Act should apply.

Most cases of bullying involve a serial bully – one person to whom all the dysfunction can be traced. The serial bully has done this before, is doing it now – and will do it again.

When the target asserts their right not to be bullied, a paranoid fear of exposure compels the bully to perceive that person as a threat and hence neutralise and dispose of them as quickly as possible. Once a person has been eliminated there’s an interval of between 2 days and 2 weeks before the bully chooses another target and the cycle starts again.

  • is insensitive, often callously indifferent to the needs of others, and especially when others are experiencing difficulty (vulnerability is a major stimulant to the serial bully)
  • is incapable of reciprocity, ie unable and unwilling to reciprocate any positive gesture
  • sees anyone attempting to be conciliatory as a sucker to be exploited
  • uses criticism, humiliation, etc in the guise of addressing shortfalls in performance – in reality, these are for control and subjugation, not for performance enhancement
  • appears to be intelligent but often performs poorly in academic or professional roles, despite appearances; the intelligence is focused exclusively on deviousness, cunning, scheming, manipulation, evasiveness, deceptiveness, quick-wittedness, craftiness, self-centredness, etc
  • may be passive aggressive, blowing hot and cold, superficially cooperative but motivated by retribution, stubborn, uncoachable, use their intelligence to excuse and justify their behaviour, and they detest anyone more competent than themselves – which is most people
  • is unable to maintain confidentiality, often breaching it with misrepresentation, distortion and fabrication
  • distorts, twists, concocts and fabricates criticisms and allegations, and abuses the disciplinary procedures – again, for control and subjugation, not for performance enhancement
  • uses gossip, back-stabbing or spreads rumours to undermine, discredit and isolate
  • is untrustworthy and unable to trust others – this partly explains the compulsion for excessive monitoring
  • is drawn to positions of power and abuses that power
  • s often like a child who has never grown up
  • exhibits immature behaviour and poor manners
  • has poor communication skills, poor interpersonal skills, poor social skills
  • often misses social cues
  • has poor language skills, and uses almost exclusively negative language with few or no positive words; is often limited to parroting fad phrases and regurgitating the latest management jargon
  • has poorly-defined moral and ethical boundaries

extrovert bullies can be charismatic and seem to be able to bewitch people into following and supporting them

finds fault with or pours scorn on other people’s ideas and suggestions, but may regurgitate them later claiming to be the originator

is a plagiarist, steals other people’s work – and the credit for it

  • has a writing style that is disjointed, lacks flow and consistency, tends to make contradictory statements, and has the feel of a young teenager trying to write like a grown-up (apologies to teenagers)
  • often uses false praise or praise which is inappropriate to the circumstances; this is partly to make the bully feel good, partly for the benefit of witnesses, partly poor judgement, partly immaturity, and partly for control and subjugation to throw their target off guard
  • is unable and unwilling to value others and their contributions and achievements; is often scornful
  • shows discrepancy in valuing tasks, deliberately devaluing the work and achievements of others; when the bully does a certain job, it’s onerous, difficult and the bully needs lots of recognition; when their target does the same job it’s trivial, of little or no value, not worth mentioning
  • is ungrateful and rarely (if ever) says “thank you” or “well done” (except, perhaps, if impressionable witnesses are present)
  • is frequently sarcastic, especially in contexts where sarcasm is inappropriate and unprofessional
  • is unable to assess the importance of events and tasks, often making an unnecessary fuss over trivia whilst ignoring important or urgent things
  • exhibits duplicity and hypocrisy, eg says one thing one day and denies it the next
  • often has an overwhelming (and unhealthy) need to feel recognised and wanted
  • is quick to blame others
  • is uncharacteristically fulsome and effusive, especially in front of witnesses – but hollow and insincere
  • is devious and manipulative (especially female bullies)
  • is spiteful and vengeful (ditto)

Other adjectives to describe the serial bully include cunning, conniving, scheming, calculating, cruel, sadistic, ruthless, treacherous, premeditated, exploitative, pernicious, malevolent, obnoxious, opportunist, unconcerned, etc.

The lack of interpersonal, social, and empathic skills are reminiscent of autism; the serial bully relies almost entirely on rules, procedures, aggression, denial and mimicry to hide their lack of people skills. Psychopaths and sociopaths are often excellent actors and mimics.

The Attention-Seeker

Motivation: to be the centre of attention
Mindset: control freak, manipulation, narcissism
Malice: medium to high; when held accountable, very high

  • emotionally immature
  • selectively friendly – is sickly sweet to some people, rude and offhand to others, and ignores the rest
  • is cold and aggressive towards anyone who sees them for what they really are or exposes their strategies for gaining attention
  • overfriendly with their new target, especially in the initial stages of a new working relationship
  • overhelpful, ditto
  • overgenerous, ditto
  • manipulative of people’s perceptions, but in an amateur and childish manner
  • manipulative with guilt, ditto
  • sycophantic, fawning, toadying
  • uses flattery to keep a person in authority on side
  • everything is a drama, usually a poor-me drama
  • prefers not to solve problems in own life so that they can be used and re-used for gaining sympathy and attention
  • capitalises on issues and uses them as a soapbox for gaining attention
  • exploits others’ suffering and grief as a vehicle for gaining attention
  • misappropriates others’ statements, eg anything which can be misconstrued as politically incorrect, for control and attention-seeking
  • excusitis, makes excuses for everything
  • shows a lot of indignation, especially when challenged
  • lots of self-pity
  • often as miserable as sin, apart from carefully constructed moments of charm when in the act of deceiving
  • demanding of others
  • easily provoked
  • feigns victimhood when held accountable, usually by bursting into tears or claiming they’re the one being bullied and harassed
  • presents as a false victim when outwitted
  • may feign exclusion, isolation or persecution
  • malicious
  • constantly tries and will do almost anything to be in the spotlight
  • the focus of their life is to be the center of attention

9 Comments

Filed under cyberbully, shaming people, Uncategorized

9 responses to “a bully is a bully is a bully…

  1. I hope you weren’t talking about me!

  2. Brandy Langford

    I’m sure she is referring to Rachel Wolf/ Patrick’s Law

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  6. Jeannie

    Haven’t finished reading but have to comment before I forget. The Duck sentence…BEST THING I HEARD ALL WEEK!!! Can I quote you? Bahahahah!!!! Thanks for the laugh.

  7. jbdean

    And cyber bullying can also leave the www and find you where you live or work! I know, it happened to me. I used to run a celebrity website and moderated the chat board/bulletin board and had one serious head case that kept harassing the visitors and regulars. I had to ban her and eventually either she or friends came in under diff. names but began the same harassment and I banned them, too. Well, she found my phone number (from a resume I had online … can we say, stalker?) and actually called me and left voice messages threatening my LIFE. I had to take the tape to my local police. Now, she was in Germany but I wouldn’t put it past her to have flown over to the States to try ad hurt me. But, thankfully, after I posted what she had done and that the police were involved, she left. But make no mistake about it, cyber bullies, like real-life ones, are nut cases and need to be avoided and if that’s not possible, dealt with legally.

  8. I know this is one of your older post but I’m so glad I found it. I am being tormented by a serial bully and I found your post very informative and helpful. I hope and pray that your ordeal has ended by now. I wish you the best.

    I am planning to write a similar post for my blog and I would like to use some of the facts from your article. I will of course credit you with the work and link to your blog. I will emal you later to discuss that.

    Thank you for sharing your wealth of information on this horrific topic.

    • oh dear… I filed a police report. And had an attorney write a cease and desist letter. I got one in return but then all the stalking/bullying stopped. she was a stranger and lives 8 hours away from me. she stopped harassing everyone else after she sent them letters, too. last I heard she was becoming homeless and karma bit her in the butt big time. good luck/fortune to you.

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